The boys are taking their annual PASS (Palmetto Assessment of State Standards) tests this week. It's a nerve-wracking time for them, as they both inherited the 'I don't test well' gene from their Momma. The week has been spent alleviating their anxious thoughts, and soothing their nervousness. These tests are taken at a local university facility, and we must leave the house early each morning to arrive by the 8:15am check-in time. Definitely not a normal week for us.
As we were maneuvering through the lanes yesterday morning during rush hour, we listened to some great praise music. Song after song, I kept thinking, "Oh, that's one of my favorites!" and just kept singing through all that traffic. The boys don't seem to mind that their Momma sings in the car. I guess I've been doing it for so long,...since their births!...they know that's just part of my 'crazy'.
I'm not even sure which song was playing or the words I was singing, when I suddenly became so overwhelmed by His love for me. Has this happened to you? I mean I had an incredibly weepy moment. One minute I was singing my heart out in praise, and the next I was choking on the words and wiping tears from my eyes. I know my boys thought I'd completely lost it. And they were right. I had. I'd lost myself for a moment at the thought of my Redeemer.
The moment passed, we made it through the next red light, and continued on to our destination. I've been thinking about that moment, and allowing my vulnerable-self to be viewed by my children. Should I let them see me as a person or just as their Momma? Yeah. I think I should. I think it's quite okay for them to not only see the vulnerable side of me, but to know that it's okay to be vulnerable. Exposing my tender heart to them makes me more accessible to them.
Sometimes Mommas just need an opportunity to let down their guard a little bit. A moment to show those human bits, those raw pieces of our hearts that fiercely love the most. I found my pause this week while praising Him, and I am forever gratified.